Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
