holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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