You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just cut my nipple shaving
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
