dude i'm inner monologue high
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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