I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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