just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize