he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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