8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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