you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
