No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
