Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
