so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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