go do what you do best...puke behind churches
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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