and i looked up. we had an audience...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
