I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize