just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Fuck appropriateness.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
