eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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