highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
