walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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