You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
The air taste purple.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
