oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
