yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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