remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
