So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
It's never too late to be topless.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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