Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
