I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
