omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
