She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
