It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
