I met the friendliest cop last night
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
