I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
