Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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