call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize