Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
