so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
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