I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You left your phone here
Wait...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
