She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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