This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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