i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
