just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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