the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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