Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
