I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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