somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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