hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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