AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
