I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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