i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I love having hate sex.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
