woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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