She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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