I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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