I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
