dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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