omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
