I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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