i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
