you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Found your dick twin last night
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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