It was confusing and full of hummus
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
