quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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